Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Luke, I am your father (con't)

Hello,
Not much going on.
Worst Week was funny.
How I Met Your Mother...at the end of the show I said out loud, "that is too much drama for a comedy."
House was good, but Hilda threatened to never watch the show again. It is getting really racy.
We will see.
Chuck is very good and if you haven't seen Life yet...give it a try.

I watched about 40 minutes of The Bank Job and there was lots of nudity and other bad stuff, so my got up and said, "I can't watch this anymore". I said, "Honey we haven't even gotten into the meat of the movie, come on."
But she was already gone. So I stopped. I will finish it later. I am okay with violence and bad things but she is affected differently than I am. She said she can't sleep when that is the last thing she sees before bed.
Woman...can't figure them out.

Okay,
I know you are going to say, "Men...can't figure them out." After this story.
I was telling you about my experience this Saturday at the baseball field. I was about to tell you about my failure as a father.
I have been really down on myself the last couple of days since "the incident". But I had a friend come up to me and make me feel a little better.
He told me he coaches his daughters under 10 soccer team. Saturday they lost 13-1.
He told me he was out of his mind.
His parents came to the game to watch their granddaughter play soccer and watch their son coach.
By the end of the game the wife had already left (yes, got in her car and drove away) because he was acting like such a fool.
He said he was yelling, "What are you doing?" for about an hour.
He said the assistant coach came up to him and told him to calm down and that when he yells at the girls, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" It is not constructive and they are not learning.
He told me his daughter got hit in the chest with the ball and was whimpering and asked to come out of the game.
He said he went ballistic, "What!?!" he screamed, "In my whole life I have never asked to come out of a game."
I am laughing just writing this because it is funny how stupid we act sometimes.
After the game his parents wouldn't talk to him and for sure his wife wasn't talking to him.

Speaking of stupid....
Okay so the baseball game was over. I forgot to tell you but his friend came to the game to watch. So after the game we were going to go to lunch. We drove two cars because we have to get to the game 45 minutes early.
So I was driving Luke and his friend to the restaurant.
Now his friend is a real talker so I had to ask him if I could have a minute.
I was trying so hard not to lose it. I started off by, "What is going on with you and the bat."
"I donknow."
"Well let me tell you what is going on. You are trying to walk aren't you?"
I am starting to lose it.
I said, "You swung at the first pitch and then you watched two absolute meat balls go right down the center of the plate."
"Now I come to your practices and I come to all your games and I don't come to watch you not try. (voice getting louder) I didn't come to watch him strike out. (voice getting louder) I didn't come to watch him not swing."
All this in front of his friend.
He started to cry (I am such a loser) and tell me that he knows I am watching and he feels my dissatisfaction with him.
This did not stop me.
That this was a league that he is suppose to get better. A league that he is suppose to swing. I told him I would rather him strike out swinging than walk.
I asked him why he had lost his confidence in his swing.
I really can't remember what else I said, but it went on for awhile.
It was an out of body experience.
He was crying, I was mad.

The problem I was having is that I was not mad at him.
I was mad at the whole thing.
I was mad that I don't know how to help him. I was mad that I know that he is struggling and I have no avenue to help.
I was mad that he is upset when he doesn't feel respected on the field but yet he doesn't want to work to get better.
I was mad I didn't know what the coach meant by the "he needs it" comment.
It was kind of a helpless anger kind of thing. I can't explain it.
It was boiling up.

But I took it out on him.
HE IS NINE.
I keep treating him like his is 25.

This is the kid that plays crappy and is laughing with his friends 5 minutes later. The team has no idea what their record is. They don't know who is the good players or the bad players are.
But here I am yelling at my son in the car in front of his friend.
After we got out of the car, I knew I had screwed up.
I took him aside and told him I just wanted what was best for him.
He said, "He didn't want to talk about it anymore."
I agreed.
I walked in the restaurant and my wife said, "What did you do?"
How does she know? Woman, I swear they are psychic.

When I got home I called one of the assistant coaches.
I told him what I did and he told me he is having the same problem. He is having trouble controlling himself with his son.
But he also told me is that he would work with Luke.
It felt good to get this off my chest and ask for help.
That is what I should have done from the start.

Well there you have it. Failure 101. Class is dismissed.
I know what you are saying, "Men...I can't figure them out."

The next day in the parking lot of church, still feeling terrible, "I asked Luke to forgive me for being an idiot."
He said, "Of course dad, I have already forgotten about that."
Then he said, "You wanna throw the ball when we get home?"
I said, "I can 't think of anything else I would rather do."
I told you, I love this kid.

Have a great Wednesday,
john

ps I did also go up to Luke's friend and apologize for being a jerk to his friend.

4 comments:

patti said...

Seriously tearing up! thanks for the vulnerablity. I hate it when I blow it as a parent. It truly sucks! Praise God our kids get to see what repentance looks like and realize that we are human too and get the chance to offer forgiveness. Grace is good!
Best wishes this weekend on the race! Ill be rooting for you!

patti said...

Seriously tearing up! thanks for the vulnerablity. I hate it when I blow it as a parent. It truly sucks! Praise God our kids get to see what repentance looks like and realize that we are human too and get the chance to offer forgiveness. Grace is good!
Best wishes this weekend on the race! Ill be rooting for you!

Jennifer said...

Yeah...I'm crying too...you're a helluva dad.

gatordmd said...

Thank you for the comments.
I so appreciate you all reading and saying nice things.
john

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