Monday, June 11, 2012

I Hear Voices


Have you ever heard of the term “batching it?” Well, I am in my fourth day of being temporarily single. My family is actually out of the country, and I am left here to work. At first, the idea of being alone for a few days appeared attractive. I can have a little “private time” to myself and maybe get some reading done. If I want to cook a hotdog at midnight, I can probably do it and no one but me will know.

Batching it is not all it’s cracked up to be. There is absolutely no noise in the house at all. The only things I hear (and I know this sounds crazy) are my own thoughts! “AN APPLE MIGHT TASTE GOOD ABOUT NOW.” It’s almost like someone is screaming into my ear. I turn on the TV to try to drown myself out. This has gotten really creepy. By day two, I knew where every loose board was on our hardwood floor because I could hear them snap as I walked across them. I find myself avoiding areas to walk on! I am also more aware of my dogs. They stare at me. All three of them sit and stare as if they can hear my thoughts as well. If the phone rings, I practically jump out of my chair. I haven’t been answering it because I am convinced that the voice from the movie Scream is going to be on the other end.

By day three, I thought the voices had subsided. “IT IS 8 O’CLOCK; YOU HAVE TO EAT.” I got up as though someone had given me an order to do something. Normally, I would have cooked something by this time of night, but when you are alone, time is somehow altered. I have already oiled the hinges on the doors because I never realized how loud they were. My ceiling fan goes “tick tick tick tick,” and I’m not even sure how to fix that. Sometimes I catch myself humming a tune to the rhythm of the ticking.

“Stayin’ Alive” from the Bee Gees seems to be the song that pops up. (Explain that one.) “YOU NEED TO GO TO SLEEP; IT IS 2 IN THE MORNING.” The bed time ritual is somewhat different. I walk backwards to my room to make sure no one is following me. I just know the dogs are aware that there is someone in the house but they can’t tell me. After I get in my room, I lock the door. When I close the door in the restroom, I lock it as well.

I have a confession to make. I tried doing the moon walk once. It’s something I always wanted to do, and the dogs were the only ones watching. By their expressions, I think they were pretty impressed. I think by the end of the week I might have a little dance routine down. “Tick tick tick tick, stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive. Tick tick tick tick, staying aliiiive.”

Now at day four, I am beginning to accept the voices. I’m looking forward to what I am going to tell myself tonight. I am still avoiding our main hallway at night because I’m pretty sure those creepy kids from The Shining are at the other end of it on their tricycles. Wish me luck, folks. Hopefully I won’t totally lose my mind before everyone returns.




Anonymous said...

Very funny. Thanks for the chuckle.
Good luck.

Anonymous said...

you are one funny dude

Colleen said...



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