Pain and Growth

It is funny how much we grow as people.

I have to tell you that as you grow older your eyes are opened to so much more.

I think even now at 40 I am learning about life. I am not only becoming street smart, I learning so much more about people.

What I mean by learning about life is I am seeing it for what it is.

My assistant is 12 years older than me.

And when I was out of school, for about 2 years she would shake her head at the things I said.

Almost like she was saying "how naive".

I would get ticked at her because I was in this stage in my life that I thought I knew everything.

But she was a 40 year old that knew a bunch more about life and about people than I did.

Okay, now I am forty and my eyes are opening to life.

Now all of you that are 20-40 I know what you are thinking, "my eyes are open" and you are getting a little defensive. I understand. But I can't help it. I just don't think you have seen enough to know what I am talking about.

I was talking about this to my assistant this morning and we talked about this subject.
She said by the time you kind of get it all figured out, two things happen: you are too old to use the information effectively and when you want to share it, no one younger than you wants to hear it.

(On a side note...I read an article about mentoring. The author talked about how the older dentists have a lot to offer the younger dentists and that the older dentists need to make themselves available to the younger dentists. I agreed with him. I wrote him telling him that I agreed with him and told him that the only problem with making yourself available is that no one wants to be mentored. I told him that I didn't think it was the older dentist that didn't want to give the help, I thought it was the younger dentist that wasn't seeking it out. He whole heartily agreed with me.)

Well what has gotten me so introspective today. Well, I had a friend die this weekend.

He was 48 years old. He was a father of FIVE children. He was a great man who had a great wife and he had great kids. His oldest was 21 and his youngest is turning 9 this weekend.

He was also a member of my church.

Are you freaking kidding me? This is the stuff that my assistant was shaking her head at me about when I was 26.

I didn't know pain. I didn't know loss. I didn't know infidelity. I didn't know divorce. I didn't know the depth of darkness in people's lives. I didn't know apathy. I didn't know failure. I didn't know job loss. I didn't know bankruptcy. I didn't know death.

On an another aside....

I love Michelangelo and this is one of my favorites. This is his sulpture called St. Matthew. They thought originally it was an unfinished work. (double click for a full size) But what it is, is the emerging, the growing of Matthew. He is becoming Matthew. He is becoming the man. I just think this work is so powerful.

Okay back on track.

So this weekend was unbelievable. You don't know, at least I hope you don't know this stuff at 26 years old.

Man was this hard. I was one of the first people over to the house when the family was finding out. Talk about pain.

Where is the life handbook that talks about this?

In the last couple of years I have been exposed to a lot and it is not all good. So how do I live my life and not have a complete mental breakdown? How do I live and "consider it joy" as the Bible tells us to do?

How do I avoid the midlife crisis now that I recognize why more people are going through this?

You never make as much money as you wanted. Your relationships are hard. Your friends are getting divorces. Your parents are dying. Your friends are dying. Your kids are angry with you. You have more work than you can accomplish in the week. Your staff is angry with you. There are problems with patient management. Bills are piling up. And there is pain. So much pain. AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!

I don't know the answer to my own questions. But I do think that having a spiritual life helps.

I came across a Bible verse this week that spoke volumes to this question.

It is 1 john 2:15-17

Do not love the world or anything in the world-the cravings of the sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does- comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

Now I don't want to get all Jesus on you but when you are thinking past this world and you believe in what comes next...you can rest a little.

I can totally understand Paul, in the New Testament, when he says (and I paraphrase) "Lord take me now. Take me from this stupid life and get me out of this stupid earthly body. "

I am sorry to be such a downer today but this is where I am at.

I promise I will try to talk more about teeth soon.

Have a good Wednesday, I hope it's better than mine. Burial is at 2:30pm today and Memorial service is at 3:30pm.

John

I have thought a lot about what I said in my last blog. When I talked about not liking your job and not liking where you are at, my response is CHANGE IT.

I am sorry if I have trivialized this issue. I am sorry if I didn't see this as a very painful topic for some people.

I see the error of my ways. My (I hate to keep coming back to this phrase) eyes have been opened to how this can really weigh on someone and I am sorry.

If you want to talk my personal email is Jgammichia@aol.com . Any time.