Friday, April 11, 2008


I know this is a mostly dental blog but there are so many social issues that come up all the time I think it is better to be dynamic.

So here is a social issue that is really "blowing my skirt up".

I was listening to the radio yesterday morning in the office. Not a terribly loud or obnoxious station (which I have been known to have on). It is a mix between 70's, 80's and 90's.
You know, an office station, Sheryl Crow, James Taylor, Sade. Now yesterday morning the DJ was asking people to call in with secrets they keep from there spouse.
So this 28 year old woman calls in. She obviously has a couple of kids because you can hear them in the background.
The DJ asked the woman, "Do you have a secret that you keep from your husband?"
Let me preface this with this could of been a funny bit if they have the right people called in.
Something like...
I like wearing my spouses underpants or I have my own separate checking account or I get up in the middle of the night and eat crackers in bed while watching the reruns of the Oprah show.
You know what I mean.

But it was just their luck that this woman called. She said "Yes, I have a secret but I could get in trouble if I say it."
Now with a little egging on from the DJ she goes on to say that she just went back home to see her parents and she "got together with the boyfriend she had before she got married."
Now she went on to say that they didn't "do IT" or anything but she hasn't kissed like that since she was 13.
She went on to say that everytime she goes home her husband is accusing her of shacking up with her old boyfriend. And goes on to tell that she has never done anything so this time she just went ahead and did it.
The most disturbing part about the story is all throughout the story you could hear her kids in the background.

This is totally unfair to the husband. I can see the conversation when she got home from one of trips back home.
"Hey honey, how was the trip? Great, how is the family? Great, did you see anyone? Oh, you saw your old boyfriend again. What!? I thought we talked about that. I don't have a problem with your old boyfriend but I know you think you are just friends but I am telling you men can't be friends with woman without thinking of IT. You are fooling around with him aren't you?"
(I can assure the conversation is not like it reads. There most definitely some screaming and some F-Bombs going off, but you get the point).

"Why do you have a problem with my old boyfriend and I being friends. I have known him since high school and just because we did IT in high school doesn't mean we can't be friends now."

Now the DJ played along and played the neutral party.

I was shocked by the whole story.
My assistants and I haven't stopped talking about it since yesterday.
I know before you go there, I am very naive. I truly don't know the ways of the world.
I have been sheltered all my life but I can't help it. I am about to give you opinions but you know what they say about opinions... (if you don't email me and I will tell you...too crude for this family blog). I know people have affairs and it is for many reasons. I know people are unhappy and hurting and look to the arms of another but...

Where does it say that this life is going to be easy? Where does it say that this marriage is going to be without strife? Did I miss the waver or the consent form?

Where does it say, "If it feels good, just do it". Or "if it is tough, just quit"?

I keep shaking my head at this woman. The kids are in the fricking backseat. KIDS. The things in the back that when you decide to have them you are to realize that the world does NOT revolve around YOU.
They are the people you give things up for. The people you are suppose to sacrifice for. The people you are suppose to work for.

Now one of my assistants is "worldly" and occasionally takes the side of the world. She said, "Sometimes people cheat in a marriage but still want to be married to their spouse."
My thing is that if you are unhappy in your marriage, do something about it. TALK. COMMUNICATE with your spouse.
Is this this woman's way of crying out to her husband? "I cheated on you, now will you listen to me?" Oh and by the way I told everyone in Orlando today because I announced it on the RADIO.

The worldly assistant does have some valid points sometimes (when she agrees with me). She says she thinks it is the way we are brought up. Parents give their kids everything. If they don't the kid cries and the parent then give it to them anyway.
If the kid is in trouble at school with a teacher the parents have to step in and not encourage discipline by the school but to be their advocate.
This is BS. If my kid gets in trouble at school and I hear about it, they are going to get whipped at home.
How about when they are at college? Mommy, my Chemistry professor is being mean to me (you have to say it in baby talk). Okay, mommy will call up the Chemistry professor at Cornell and ask them to stop being mean to you.
Or how about when they get a job. My boss is being a real ass, I am just going to quit.
Good honey, you just keep quitting jobs until you find a real nice boss that lets you do whatever you want. And, Oh, if you need money for rent when you are unemployed you just come back to mommy.
My wife blames our social issues entitlement.

We think we deserve everything. Where does it say this? I do deserve things but it is not EVERYTHING.
I deserve to get fired if I suck at my job. I deserve to go hungry if I don't have a job. I deserve to lose my house if I can't pay the mortgage (MOMMY).
or on the other hand some of our thought are...

I deserve to have a sweet automobile even if I can't afford it. I deserve to buy that stupid thing that I can't afford to impress the people I don't like.
I am being to naive.
I am being to conservative.

The bible speaks a lot about raising kids...
There is a proverb that says, "Train (that is a good word, train) up a child in the way he should go and they will not depart from it."
Well, unfortunately in some cases, this is what is happening. We are training our children to act this way and they are becoming adults that act this way.
My eight year old is starting to complain everytime he doesn't get what he wants. Now I have given him grace up until now. I told him the next time he complains to me about not getting what he wants, not only will he NOT get what he wants, he is going to get the "rod of discipline".
This is the Bible's way of saying, I am going to beat the attitude out of him. Do I like "disciplining" (we don't call it spanking anymore)? Hell no. It totally sucks when I have to spank my kids (I mean discipline). I hate it. But another Bible verse is "...spare the rod, hate the child."
I discipline him or her because I LOVE him or her.

Now back to this woman. She has just "kissed" the rest of her life away. Do you think it was worth it. Now comes the arguing. Then the separation. Then the divorce. Then the custody hearing (Judge: Son who do you want to live with? Your mom or your dad?).
How many marriages will she go through until she grows up and realizes what it takes to make it work? COMMITMENT. WORK. SWEAT.
How many people are going to be ruined before she learns?

Damn, I am opinionated.
Well, what do you think?
Am I off my rocker?

Have a good weekend,


Buckeyedental said...

Dear John

Over the last 25 years the situational ethics that most of the world and the media have told us to live by has brought us to a point of no absolute right or wrong. This has diluted are society norms to mediocre. Look at what the media teels us about politician they teel us that we can not look at there private life that has noting to do with there public life! Bull! It has every thing to do with there public life how you conduct yourself in private is how you behave in public.

God says "There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to death." Prov 14:12

God has the blueprint for moral living if we just read it AND LIVE BY IT. Ps 32:8 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

This last weekend my church hosted a Disciple-now weekend for youth in the Sarasota area (1,000 6th graders to 12th grade) I and my wife had 16 6th graders from our church and two college girls to help. A lot of estrogen in my house this weekend! Basically we are trying to teach the kids that they do not need to be defined by the media and there world that they are made in Gods image. Ps 139:14"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;.."
That the boys do not need to be mister super athlete that God loves them for who they are. That they need to respect the girls for who they are equals in Christ. And for my girls I had 18 of them this weekend they do not need to live for the approval of anyone and to respect themselves.
What a joy to see God touch the lives and hearts of these girls.

Enough preaching I have got to get back to work. Have a great day!
Kim Shaw

Anonymous said...


You are not opinionated! You have values and you are speaking openly and clearly to all who will hear. Your beliefs are yours and come from an ideal that your mother and father instilled in you at an early age.

The effects of straying over the line of responsibility and honor in marriage are devastating. Trust goes out the window when we succumb to temptation. Our emotions ride on the coat tails of excitement and adventure when we scratch that 'itchy' memory of sex and romance. We, all of us to one degree or another, meet the challenges of today with memories of the past. This is why people repeat unproductive behaviors over and over again and expect the same results.


Continue to Practice Perfect Performance, John!


Life Coach to the Dental Profession


PLEASE NOTE: When commenting on this blog, you are affirming that any and all statements, and parts thereof, that you post on “The Daily Grind” (the blog) are your own.

The statements expressed on this blog to include the bloggers postings do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Academy of General Dentistry (AGD), nor do they imply endorsement by the AGD.