I don't know about the rest of you, but I am ready for some time off. The year is coming to a close, and I am sure we have all worked our tails off and deserve a little relaxation. I have been talking to some friends of mine (who are also dentists) and they tell me that I need to get a massage. After all, we work all day bent over and twisted. That can’t be good for your health or your body if you want to last until retirement age. Now, I am not much for massages, but all of this kind of made sense. I mean, I want to be able to work until I am at least 60 and be there for my family. The least I can do is take an hour out of my day to make sure my body can keep up with my busy work schedule.
I decided to schedule the massage. I walked into a room with a very relaxing atmosphere. The lights were low, there was a scent of eucalyptus in the air, and the quiet guitar music completed the ambiance. Wow, this is really going to be good for me (and my family of course).
In walks Helga (that’s what I’m going to call her). She politely asks me to take off my clothes and lie down under the sheet. Okay, a little awkward, but I’m committed all the way. My first question: Is your back supposed to crack and snap when they push on it? Every liter of oxygen was completely expelled from my lungs. If I had wanted to scream, I wouldn’t have been able to.
I didn’t think it was physically possible, but I was convinced that my muscles and skin were being separated from my skeleton. I thought maybe I should try to scratch my initials in the table with my fingernail in case they find my unidentifiable body later. Since I had to disrobe, I didn’t have access to my cell phone to call 911.
All sorts of thoughts were running through my head. Will I see my family again? Will I be able to do dentistry again? She told me to drink plenty of water. Really? How is that going to help the pineapple sized bruise on my backside? Do they send a wheelchair in to transport me to my vehicle? Does she prescribe pain meds? Everyone keeps telling me how great they feel after a massage. Evidently, they haven't had Helga.
For those of you that have never had a massage, if you are the least bit weight-conscious, don’t do it. I have never felt so fat in my life. As a matter of fact, I didn’t realize how fat I was until I had a massage. She was squeezing fat in places I didn’t think fat could exist. I vowed that if I made it out alive, I was going to go on a strict diet of fish and vegetables. Also, I would begin an exercise regimen to include approximately two hundred sit-ups a day with some sort of side twists (and maybe running). At this point, I am going to explore some other health options. Any suggestions?
Have a great week