Monday, October 26, 2009

Life goals anyone??

OK, do we know each other well enough for this? Probably not, but I'm going to jump into the deep end anyway. One of my life goals is to be an audience member on an infomercial.

There, I said it. It is true, ask my wife. I love watching infomercials. Whether it is for a juice machine, set of knives, magic blender, you name it. I want to be the one in the audience gasping with awe and wonderment at the ease with which that gadget simplifies my life. I want to cook omelettes for my kids in a magic press that only takes 5 minutes and then comes apart for easy cleanup - cuz who wants to wipe out an omelette pan anyway. Come on, are you kidding, I can drink carrot juice with asparagus and oranges and the pulp is stored in a separate container - where was I when this type of thing was taught in school. Sign me up. I want to "set it and forget it." Garbage disposal for the shower - I'm all in. All I need is a pill with 200 herbs, perennials, and shrubs that I have never heard of and I can lose the 20 pounds of material that is lining my colon - goodbye gym membership, hello bathroom. I can read and lose weight - there is a God.

I know what you are thinking but no, I do not want to host an infomercial. Those guys have to work too hard - although I do have an inside track on some sweaters I could wear (but seriously dad, they look good on you). I don't want to sell my soul to the devil, I just want to bask in the glow of minor publicity that comes from late night insomniacs wondering who the moon-faced guy is ohhing and ahhing over a kitchen slicer that replaces every item of flatware in house. Your eyes do not deceive you my friend, that is your dentist Ric Crowder there in the audience. Nine out of 10 dentists approve this toothpaste, please, I want to set my own path - not follow the crowd. I want to take the road less traveled. Where that road divides in the wood - I want to take the one that Jack Lalaine would take.

OK, time to bring it back down to a less serious level now. I don't want to sound pompous but my wife and I managed to pull off the perfect weekend. We accomplished a major home improvement project (painting the rest of the living room), my wife got a couple of naps in this weekend, I got to watch all the TV I wanted, read an awful book, but at least it is finished, spent a ton of time with the kids, got the house cleaned back up and did all the laundry. AMAZING!!!!! It only took 16 years of marriage.

Don't forget to set your clocks back 1 hour next Sunday or you will be late for the blog Monday morning - that would be embarrassing.

Have a great week!


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