Why Not?

Greetings,

I hope everyone is healthy and happy as we start out 2012. After a long discussion with my family and some close friends, I’ve decided to email the owner of the Miami Dolphins and express my desire to be considered for the head coaching job.

Hopefully by the time this blog goes out, they will still be interviewing (which will increase my chances). If I get hired, I will probably have to give up the AGD blog because I will be spending a lot of time going over game film and interviewing my potential staff. I will miss writing to you all and I will miss dentistry to some extent. Maybe I can work a month in the off season? We’ll see.

The way I see it, I have a good shot now that virtually every big name has turned the job down. As a matter of fact, I have a few things going for me:

1) Miami is my hometown, and who wouldn’t want a hometown boy?

2) I’ve been watching the Dolphins play for the last 45 years, so I have an intimate knowledge of the team and what they need.

3) I couldn’t care less if Jeff Ireland stays on as the general manager. Shoot, why not have someone else do all the work?

4) They wouldn’t have to hire a team dentist (I may want a slight bit more cash in the agreement to cover both jobs).

5) I can give a locker room speech after each game. Granted, I am only 5’6”, but if I had something to stand on, I could tell the men how proud I am of them and maybe give out a game ball.

6) I can talk to the media because I know all the coach lines. For instance, “They made more plays than we did”, or, “The refs made some bad calls out there.”

7) I wouldn’t demand a large salary. I would take half of what they were going to pay Jeff Fisher! That will save the owner over 20 million dollars over 5 years. Maybe we can use that to get a quarterback. Who knows?

I do have some good friends with football minds. I might be able to talk Dr. John Gammichia into being my offensive coordinator. I mean, he has only called some peewee league plays, but there can’t be that much of a difference. I went to dental school with a couple of football players that might be able to work with my defensive and offensive lines. There is so much to think about right now that it’s a little overwhelming. I am going to be up long hours trying to figure out how to keep Tom Brady off the field.

There is also the small snag in my partnership contract saying that I can’t leave for more than a few months. I am still working on that one. If it all works out, I can get the Dolphins back on top in just one contract period. After that, I could go right back into dentistry, or maybe travel for a couple months. I would love to be able to travel in Europe. Other teams might want me once they see my results at Miami, but relocating out of Florida is something I may not want to do. Time will tell.

I wouldn’t forget about all of you out there either. Being the head coach, I could probably score a few tickets to some games. Just shoot me an email and let me know how many you need. I can have a Dental Block! (Total pun intended.)

Of course, if Mr. Ross hires someone before he gets my email, then I guess I will have another blog here in a couple weeks. It also means that I will have to see Mrs. Smith next month for that 16th denture adjustment. My plans for traveling in Europe will be shot down, too. The sad part is, we will have to all suffer through another bad season for the Dolphins.

Talk to you all in a couple of weeks (maybe).

Scott